Dem Stones, dem stones, dem kinny stones
I am a very good manufacturer of kidney stones starting way back in the 70’s.
Generally the ‘birth’ pains start during the night when you are well relaxed and you then crawl around on the floor from pain, puking at the same time, till the Doc’s rooms open or visit the local emergency.
Of the 5 stones one had to be cut out in ’85 the rest extracted or bombarded with whatever.
“Sir, please relax under the anaesthetic while we force this 2 inch diameter pipe up dickey”
The last stone launched itself one lunchtime at work, I drove to the clinic where the Doc’s rooms are, still not sure how I got there. Admitted straight away and pumped full of pain killers.
Another 2 inch diameter pipe procedure and then a stent fitted between the bladder and kidney which has to be removed 10 days later. I am sure these Doc’s do a special course in sadism.
The symptoms start off with back pain where the kidney is situated, then goes down into the groin and nuts.
My right kidney seems to be the main manufacturing quarry.
Now onto November 2016.
Some back pain, slight groin pain and a sore right nut.
Made an appointment with the urologist.
He did the usual sonar thingy on the kidneys, bladder and prostrate and pronounced all ok. Then we got to the physical side ……………………
“Ok, stop playing with the nuts, its tender”
“You are going to stick that finger where?”
Finally finished, he says all looks ok. I asked if he has ever had a kidney stone – “No”, so that leaves me as a bit of an expert.
Go home, drink lots of fluids (beer) and convince myself it is all in the mind! (and the back, groin and nut)
Comes 23rd December.
Waking up, I get this funny itching feeling in dickey as well as the bladder. I remember it well! It is a stone trying to exit the ureters into the bladder.
The feeling is you want to pee all the time, but the bladder is empty.
24th December – same feeling
25th December –same feeling. Drink more beer and have some wine.
During the afternoon, feeling very mellow, I proceed to the bathroom to dispose of all these fluids.
Looking down aiming for the middle of the bowl …………… all of a sudden something dark pops out with the stream!
Fetched a stick from the workshop and fished the object out the bowl.
It is the kidney stone!!!! Proud father of a stone 4mm x 3mm x 2mm (vernier)
The stone is quite smooth hence the lack of excruciating pain normally associated with kidney stones.
This is what it looks like (apologies for poor quality)