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Pistol packing ....

Hang up your Chisels and Plane blades and take a load off with a recently turned goblet of your favourite poison, in the lounge of our Gentlemen's (and ladies) Club.

Pistol packing ....

Postby RogerS » 29 May 2017, 08:11

LOML went down last week to the Chelsea Flower Show and stayed overnight near Hyde Park. Been a while since she'd been down there and wanted to take a look at the Sunken Garden in Hyde Park and maybe have breakfast in the Orangerie. However, try as she might, she found it very hard to locate either. Maps had been altered since her last visit some years ago. She eventually discovered that Saint Diana now has two memorial gardens - the Sunken Garden being the second.

So armed with that bit of information, she had another go only to find it all barricaded off. Never one to admit defeat, she tried many different ways in to try and get there, finally coming up to a security barrier by Palace Gardens. She explained her predicament and confusion to the chap on the barrier.

"Do you have a reservation at the Orangerie?" he asked. Somewhat puzzled and beginning to wonder if there was some sort of private event going on, she replied 'No' and explained that she wanted to visit the Garden and have some breakfast. "Is it just yourself?" he asked. 'Yes' she replied. "Oh, allright, in you go".

So she had a very pleasant breakfast in the totally empty Orangerie and then took off to walk around the Sunken garden which, to her delight, was also empty.

Now for those who don't know Hyde Park that well, the Sunken Garden and Orangerie are next door to Kensington Palace Gardens which are home to various members of the Royal Family and other bigwigs from time to time. Which kind of explains why on turning one corner of the garden she came face-to-face with a very twitchy pistol-packing plain clothed member of the Royal Protection force who in no uncertain terms asked what the hell she was doing in what was supposed to be a sanitised area :o

Keeping her presence of mind, she kept reminding herself to keep her hands still by her side and then proceeded to play the 'Confused Little Old Lady' bit for all she was worth. :eusa-clap:
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Re: Pistol packing ....

Postby Malc2098 » 29 May 2017, 08:57

Attagal!
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Re: Pistol packing ....

Postby Rod » 29 May 2017, 11:13

I wonder if you would have got away with it Roger?

I've been pulled in twice by the police in the same place - Houses of Parliament.
Once on the way to attend a Standing Committee, we dipped into the Commons where MP's were showing their guests around. Went fine for a while until we changed groups, spotted by a policeman and escorted directly to the Committee Room after a verbal warning.
The second time for carrying a lethal weapon. Attended an evening dinner there where I accidentally left my over night bag in the bar. Remembered after the meal but the bag had been taken to Security which was closed for the night.
Next morning going through security again to collect my bag, the eagle eyed policeman spotted my tiny Al Mar gentlemen's knife attached to my key ring. Escorted to an interview room where I was lectured about my misdemeanour. I'd left my legal Swiss Army penknife at home but had forgotten about this little one. The blade is 20mm long but it locks therefore illegal to carry. Thankfully the telling off was considered sufficient and I was allowed to collect my keys with the knife on the way out.
This all happened a few years ago, I would probably be locked up if it happened now!

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Re: Pistol packing ....

Postby RogerS » 29 May 2017, 13:54

Rod wrote:I wonder if you would have got away with it Roger?

.....
Rod

Probably not. My wife said to me 'You're too confrontational".

I shouted back "What the bloody Hell do you mean by that ?" :lol:
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Re: Pistol packing ....

Postby Phil » 16 Jun 2017, 14:42

RogerS wrote:
Rod wrote:I wonder if you would have got away with it Roger?

.....
Rod

Probably not. My wife said to me 'You're too confrontational".

I shouted back "What the bloody Hell do you mean by that ?" :lol:


Sleeping on the couch again? :lol:
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Re: Pistol packing ....

Postby Phil » 16 Jun 2017, 14:47

This security thing reminded me of our first overseas trip in 2001.

We were scheduled to depart on Wednesday evening 12th September 2001 from Johannesburg to Heathrow and straight through to Paris.

However, on Tuesday 11th September there was the World Trade Center attacks.

First thing Wednesday morning call BA – are we flying and on time? Yes, as long as you are not going to the USA.

Arranged for eldest son to collect us early from home to miss afternoon rush hour traffic, and it was also raining.

We would be away for 4 weeks of which the first week was business for me (Belgium, Northern Ireland and UK) and wife would tag along, very expensive trip. This meant clothes for work and holiday, 2 big wheelie cases, my briefcase and then my small backpack for cameras, toilet bags, book to read and documents.

Checking in at BA Business Class a breeze (I still had a Silver card) and nobody had thought about sharp objects and stuff like that. The luggage could not be booked through to Paris though (sorry Sir), which meant an entry and exit at Heathrow.

Get to the security checkpoint and scanners. Push all the loose stuff through and briefcase last.

“Sir, you have a knife in your briefcase” (I have always travelled with a pocket knife in the briefcase or laptop bag, it was also a present, 80mm click-in blade)
“You are not allowed to take weapons onto the plane, new rules as of today” says this big fat sl………...b, all that was missing were the mirror reflective shades.

Ok, so what do I do now? “You can go back to check-in and hand it in at security for sealing”

By this time there is a queue of about 50 people behind me and more arriving. There is only 1 scanning counter. Typical major South African airport.

The wife has taken all our stuff and headed off to passport control knowing I was about to explode.

So my good man why were we not advised at time of checking in? Don’t you people know what you are doing? Can’t you get your act together? Don’t they employ intelligent people at the airport? The more I rant the crosser I get, face redder and redder.

Meanwhile the queue behind me is getting restless.

So I explain very carefully to the fat slob in words of one syllable what he can do with the knife, and preferably without any lubricant.

Grab the briefcase, stomp off to passport control and look for wife.

Then off to BA lounge to go and calm down. (They had an excellent wine selection!!) 8-)

The flight was uneventful, got myself upgraded to Cattle+ where I had booked the wife on air miles. The company booked me the cheapest seat they could find. If legal it would have been a stand up in the toilet.

Checking in at Heathrow was fine (sh1t did I have a headache from all that wine in the lounge and then also on the plane :oops: ), the young lady who ‘processed’ us was pleasant and had manners and obtained all the information she wanted with polite questions. (we had heard lots of stories about these immigration people, see comment on Belfast)

Right, let’s now check back in to fly to Paris (about 3 hours between flights) so no great rush, time to have shower at the lounge and fortified coffee to ease the headache.

Get to security, wife has her toilet bag under the arm and gets scanned. “Madam, please step to one side”.
I put my backpack and briefcase through the scanner and passed through, no problems.

The wife’s toilet bag promptly got emptied out, and there in the bag is a weapon!
A 50mm long nail scissors. “Madam, we will have to confiscate this weapon as it has been declared a dangerous item on an airplane”.

I wish you could have seen the look on her face, absolutely totally pi$$ed off!

I just stood laughing. She was even more pi$$ed off when I told her (not in English) that in my toilet bag next to the cameras were scissors twice as long and the scanner could not detect it!
Bearing in mind that this whole lot had passed through the scanner at JoBurg.

That was the start of the security checks after 9/11.

Years later on one of my local trips, bearing in mind I travelled at least twice a month, one morning these so-called security people decided that the small nail file attached to the nail clipper, 25mm long?, is regarded as dangerous. I broke it off, handed it to slob, and also explained very slowly and carefully what they could do with it.

Just on immigration people, arriving in Belfast from Belgium, I had the misfortune to pick the wrong queue. The wife had already decided to avoid being with me and pick a different queue.

I think it was female and suspect it had been dug out of a cesspool that had been sealed somewhere in the middle ages.
People like that give a country a bad name.

Travelling in and out of Luton to Spain and back was a pleasure.


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Re: Pistol packing ....

Postby RogerS » 16 Jun 2017, 15:10

Phil wrote:.... The wife had already decided to avoid being with me and pick a different queue.
...
Phil



I reckon your wife has got you sussed, Phil.
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