This security thing reminded me of our first overseas trip in 2001.
We were scheduled to depart on Wednesday evening 12th September 2001 from Johannesburg to Heathrow and straight through to Paris.
However, on Tuesday 11th September there was the World Trade Center attacks.
First thing Wednesday morning call BA – are we flying and on time? Yes, as long as you are not going to the USA.
Arranged for eldest son to collect us early from home to miss afternoon rush hour traffic, and it was also raining.
We would be away for 4 weeks of which the first week was business for me (Belgium, Northern Ireland and UK) and wife would tag along, very expensive trip. This meant clothes for work and holiday, 2 big wheelie cases, my briefcase and then my small backpack for cameras, toilet bags, book to read and documents.
Checking in at BA Business Class a breeze (I still had a Silver card) and nobody had thought about sharp objects and stuff like that. The luggage could not be booked through to Paris though (sorry Sir), which meant an entry and exit at Heathrow.
Get to the security checkpoint and scanners. Push all the loose stuff through and briefcase last.
“Sir, you have a knife in your briefcase” (I have always travelled with a pocket knife in the briefcase or laptop bag, it was also a present, 80mm click-in blade)
“You are not allowed to take weapons onto the plane, new rules as of today” says this big fat sl………...b, all that was missing were the mirror reflective shades.
Ok, so what do I do now? “You can go back to check-in and hand it in at security for sealing”
By this time there is a queue of about 50 people behind me and more arriving. There is only 1 scanning counter. Typical major South African airport.
The wife has taken all our stuff and headed off to passport control knowing I was about to explode.
So my good man why were we not advised at time of checking in? Don’t you people know what you are doing? Can’t you get your act together? Don’t they employ intelligent people at the airport? The more I rant the crosser I get, face redder and redder.
Meanwhile the queue behind me is getting restless.
So I explain very carefully to the fat slob in words of one syllable what he can do with the knife, and preferably without any lubricant.
Grab the briefcase, stomp off to passport control and look for wife.
Then off to BA lounge to go and calm down. (They had an excellent wine selection!!)
The flight was uneventful, got myself upgraded to Cattle+ where I had booked the wife on air miles. The company booked me the cheapest seat they could find. If legal it would have been a stand up in the toilet.
Checking in at Heathrow was fine (sh1t did I have a headache from all that wine in the lounge and then also on the plane
), the young lady who ‘processed’ us was pleasant and had manners and obtained all the information she wanted with polite questions. (we had heard lots of stories about these immigration people, see comment on Belfast)
Right, let’s now check back in to fly to Paris (about 3 hours between flights) so no great rush, time to have shower at the lounge and fortified coffee to ease the headache.
Get to security, wife has her toilet bag under the arm and gets scanned. “Madam, please step to one side”.
I put my backpack and briefcase through the scanner and passed through, no problems.
The wife’s toilet bag promptly got emptied out, and there in the bag is a weapon!
A 50mm long nail scissors. “Madam, we will have to confiscate this weapon as it has been declared a dangerous item on an airplane”.
I wish you could have seen the look on her face, absolutely totally pi$$ed off!
I just stood laughing. She was even more pi$$ed off when I told her (not in English) that in my toilet bag next to the cameras were scissors twice as long and the scanner could not detect it!
Bearing in mind that this whole lot had passed through the scanner at JoBurg.
That was the start of the security checks after 9/11.
Years later on one of my local trips, bearing in mind I travelled at least twice a month, one morning these so-called security people decided that the small nail file attached to the nail clipper, 25mm long?, is regarded as dangerous. I broke it off, handed it to slob, and also explained very slowly and carefully what they could do with it.
Just on immigration people, arriving in Belfast from Belgium, I had the misfortune to pick the wrong queue. The wife had already decided to avoid being with me and pick a different queue.
I think it was female and suspect it had been dug out of a cesspool that had been sealed somewhere in the middle ages.
People like that give a country a bad name.
Travelling in and out of Luton to Spain and back was a pleasure.
Phil