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A tad of mirth

Hang up your Chisels and Plane blades and take a load off with a recently turned goblet of your favourite poison, in the lounge of our Gentlemen's (and ladies) Club.

Re: A tad of mirth

Postby novocaine » 22 Dec 2020, 20:05

Its a wreth of khan.

Star trek joke.
Carbon fibre is just corduroy for cars.
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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby novocaine » 22 Dec 2020, 20:06

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Carbon fibre is just corduroy for cars.
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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby Pete Maddex » 22 Dec 2020, 20:07

[youtube]e7X01_j_oDA[/youtube]

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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby SamQ aka Ah! Q! » 23 Dec 2020, 15:32

Ahhh...the talented Ricardo Gonzalo Pedro Montalbán y Meriño, effortlessly giving Shattner acting lessons....

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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby Phil » 26 Dec 2020, 08:18

Brighten up the morning .............


[youtube]kx_G2a2hL6U[/youtube]
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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby TrimTheKing » 26 Dec 2020, 12:06

Phil wrote:Brighten up the morning .............


[youtube]kx_G2a2hL6U[/youtube]


Magnificent!
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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby 4ndy » 26 Dec 2020, 15:07

This thread was just what I needed :lol:
It might not be broken, but it will be by the time I've finished with it! (hammer)
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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby Pete Maddex » 29 Dec 2020, 20:32

Phil wrote:Brighten up the morning .............


[youtube]kx_G2a2hL6U[/youtube]


First date for me and the wife we went to see Life of Brian

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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby Mike G » 29 Dec 2020, 21:05

If I ever need cheering up........

[youtube]nGeKSiCQkPw[/youtube]
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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby RogerS » 29 Dec 2020, 23:13

Mike G wrote:If I ever need cheering up........

[youtube]nGeKSiCQkPw[/youtube]


:text-bravo: :text-goodpost:
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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby RogerM » 02 Jan 2021, 11:30

For some non party political reason this just hit my funny bone!

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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby Doug » 05 Jan 2021, 08:40

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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby Doug » 05 Jan 2021, 08:41

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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby Phil » 08 Jan 2021, 13:52

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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby Dr.Al » 08 Jan 2021, 15:20

BREAKING NEWS

Due to Covid-related travel restrictions, the USA had to organise a coup at home this year.


Too soon?
My projects website: https://www.cgtk.co.uk
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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby TrimTheKing » 08 Jan 2021, 16:29

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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby Phil » 11 Jan 2021, 08:55

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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby Phil » 23 Jan 2021, 12:30

50 Shades of Golf

Four golf buddies had been going to Sun City for a boy’s golf weekend for many years.

This year, Ralph’s wife put her foot down and told him he can’t go.
So he called his buddies and told them the bad news.
They understood and decided to go as a 3-some.

When they arrive, Ralph is sitting there smiling with his clubs already on a cart.

They ask: “Hey Ralph, what did you do to change the wife’s mind?”

Ralph said: “Well, last night my wife had just finished reading " Fifty Shades of Grey"
She pulled me into our bedroom.
On the bed she had handcuffs and velvet ropes.
She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, and I did.

Then she said, “Do whatever you want”.
So, here I am.”
We don't stop woodworking because we grow old, we grow old because we stop woodworking!

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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby Trevanion » 23 Jan 2021, 21:30

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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby Phil » 25 Jan 2021, 19:31

Good Irish Chuckle
The Irish are always the first ones to come to the aid of their fellow man...passengers, in this case!
Shortly after take-off on an outbound, evening Aer Lingus flight from
Dublin to Boston, the lead flight attendant nervously made the
following painful announcement in her lovely Irish brogue:
"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry, but it appears that there
has been a terrible mix-up by our catering service. I don't know how
this has happened, but we have 103 passengers on board, and
unfortunately, we received only 40 dinner meals. I truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience."
When the muttering of the passengers had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat, will receive free and unlimited drinks for the duration of our 10 hour flight.
Her next announcement came about 2 hours later:
"If anyone is hungry, we still have 40 dinners available."
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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby flying haggis » 26 Jan 2021, 16:07

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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby RogerM » 27 Jan 2021, 14:51

Dracula was finally seen off by a squirrel. It was Tufty The Vampire Slayer.

One of the Russian acrobats in our human pyramid has been deported....we don't have Oleg to stand on.

My neighbour had a bag of cement fall on his head. He was rendered unconscious :eusa-doh:

OK. I'll get my coat! :oops:
Last edited by RogerM on 30 Jan 2021, 13:08, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby Malc2098 » 27 Jan 2021, 18:53

Very happy to announce that not only have I won an award for the cleanest workshop in The National Carpentry Awards, but I have also completely swept the board.


I've already got my coat on..



In my defence, I nicked from a retired police site, your honour! :D
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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby Phil » 30 Jan 2021, 12:19

3 Holy Men & 3 Bears

an old one

A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served as Chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University at Marquette in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it to their religio Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences.
Father Torpey, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first 'Well,' he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism.
Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.'

Reverend Billy Bob the Baptist, spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts&IV/drip In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he exclaimed, 'WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we Baptists don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me.
So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle.
We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus. Hallelujah!

The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad way.The Rabbi looked up and said: "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."
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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby Phil » 30 Jan 2021, 13:12

oddsocks wrote:Thanks - this thread was just what i needed :-)

Now that my team are all working from home we have a 15min 'bonding call' first thing every morning and someone (usually me) has to tell a joke ...This thread has armed me with enough for the next week.

I have been getting quite a few from a FB group Dad Jokes England -its a good source
Thanks
Dave



Have a look at this site, should keep you armed for a couple of weeks :lol:

https://www.woodworkforums.com/f17
We don't stop woodworking because we grow old, we grow old because we stop woodworking!

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