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A tad of mirth

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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby RogerS » 07 Apr 2022, 23:09

Malc2098 wrote:Ah, but did they have a reverse gear?! That's why we could drive them on a motor cycle licence. ;)


Excellent ! :D :eusa-clap:
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby Chris101 » 11 Apr 2022, 20:02

I saw a link the other day to a Guardian web article about Alberto Fernandez bringing up Las Malvinas the other day. Rather than derail the joke thread I thought of this
as the real reason the Falkland Islands shouldnt be renamed.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=42_oWaWsiYs
It's a little sweary but in a good intentetioned way. It's not offensive.
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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby Phil » 12 Apr 2022, 14:15

PHOTO-2022-04-11-18-24-43.jpg
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We don't stop woodworking because we grow old, we grow old because we stop woodworking!

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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby Phil » 30 Apr 2022, 10:34

How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other side.

 I have a few jokes about unemployed people....
but none of them work.

 How do you make holy water?
You take some water & boil the hell out of it.

 Will glass coffins be a success?
Remains to be seen.

 Two windmills are standing in a wind farm.
One asks, “what’s your favourite kind of music?”
The other says, “I'm a big metal fan”.

 Heard about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu, you get what you deserve.

 I went to buy some camouflage trousers yester-day…
but couldn't find any.

 What do you call a bee that can’t quite make up its mind?
A maybe.

 I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage.
I lost my case.

 If and when everything is coming your way.....
you're in the wrong lane.

 She had a photographic memory…
but never developed it.

 Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today?
I don't know and don't really care.

 I wasn’t originally going to get a brain trans-plant.....
but then I changed my mind.

 Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population?
Ireland, of course, it’s Dublin everyday.

 My ex-wife still misses me....
but her aim is starting to improve.

 The guy who invented the door knocker got a.....
No-bell prize.

 I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought....
“that’s the last thing i need !”

 Need an ark???
I Noah guy.

 I used to be indecisive.....
Now I'm not so sure.

 Sleeping comes so naturally to me that......
I can do it with my eyes closed.

 What did the grape say when it got stepped on?
Nothing. But, it let out a little whine.

 What do you call a very articulate dinosaur with a good vocabulary?
A Thesaurus, of course.

Last, but not least,

 What happens when you boil a funny bone?
You get a laughing stock

Enjoy your day
:lol: :lol:
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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby droogs » 30 Apr 2022, 10:52

lol the last one is the best
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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby RogerM » 04 May 2022, 09:14

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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby RogerS » 04 May 2022, 09:43

Being obtuse here as I don't get it :eusa-think:
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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby Woodbloke » 04 May 2022, 10:48

RogerS wrote:Being obtuse here as I don't get it :eusa-think:

Tractors, sex, porn and a (late) MP help Roger? :lol: - Rob
I no longer work for Axminster Tools & Machinery.
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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby RogerS » 04 May 2022, 11:47

:arrow:
Woodbloke wrote:
RogerS wrote:Being obtuse here as I don't get it :eusa-think:

Tractors, sex, porn and a (late) MP help Roger? :lol: - Rob



Doh :eusa-doh: :oops:
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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby Steve Maskery » 04 May 2022, 20:45

Eric the Viking was doing his shopping in Tesco, when he saw a little old lady in a wheelchair. She was struggling to reach the upper shelves.

"May I help you?", asked Eric.

"I'm trying to reach the cheesecake and ice cream, but it's too high up and my husband is outside parking the car."

"No problem", replies Eric the Viking, I'll help you, So he takes her basket off her, picks her up in his arms and puts her on his back, carrying her all along the aisle. When she had all her apple pies, trifle and other goodies, he swept her back to her wheelchair, where her husband was standing, puzzled.

Eric the Viking turned to go. "Wait!", said the little old lady. "How can I thank you? I don't even know who you are." But Eric the Viking just smiled, waved and disappeared.

"I saw your empty wheelchair and was worried", said her husband. "Where have have you been?".

And his wife replied...

"I've been through the desserts on a Norse with no name".

It was told to me (by DaveR) as Olaf the Viking, but it seemed more fun to to rename him :)
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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby Malc2098 » 10 May 2022, 16:55

I dare you to watch this without smiling! :)



https://youtu.be/y-cZKW9s5YM
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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby Andyp » 10 May 2022, 17:04

Daughter loved that Malc, thanks.

Eldest has just got back from a week with her cousins in the Netherlands. She brought me back some of that dutch cheese that is made backwards. Delicious.
I do not think therefore I do not am.

cheers
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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby Malc2098 » 10 May 2022, 19:45

Andyp wrote:Daughter loved that Malc, thanks.

Eldest has just got back from a week with her cousins in the Netherlands. She brought me back some of that dutch cheese that is made backwards. Delicious.


Tres droll! :)
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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby Steve Maskery » 10 May 2022, 20:01

C'mon, Malc, surely you can find é ????
And a circumflex? And... oh, never mind.
:)
Good gag though.
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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby Steve Maskery » 10 May 2022, 20:09

Andyp wrote:. She brought me back some of that dutch cheese that is made backwards.

No customs problems? I'm going to France next week and was thinking of taking some Stilton as a gift, but my understanding is that dairy is now the equivalent of a hand grenade. Am I mistaken?
S
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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby 9fingers » 10 May 2022, 20:17

Steve Maskery wrote:
Andyp wrote:. She brought me back some of that dutch cheese that is made backwards.

No customs problems? I'm going to France next week and was thinking of taking some Stilton as a gift, but my understanding is that dairy is now the equivalent of a hand grenade. Am I mistaken?
S


Steve, dont forget that Andy in in France so the cheese movement was within Eu.

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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby Malc2098 » 10 May 2022, 20:21

Steve Maskery wrote:C'mon, Malc, surely you can find é ????
And a circumflex? And... oh, never mind.
:)
Good gag though.


:lol:
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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby Steve Maskery » 10 May 2022, 20:26

9fingers wrote:
Steve, dont forget that Andy in in France so the cheese movement was within Eu.


Ah yes, I forgot. Happy days. Sigh.
S
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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby Andyp » 10 May 2022, 20:59

Steve, taking any dairy or meat products to France are distinct no no at the moment. A real shame, we used to stock up on decent bacon and bangers, alas no more.

Which way are you travelling Steve?. If Portsmouth - Caen we are not far away, we still have plenty of decent english tea. Alas dunkable biscuits ran out a few weeks back.
I do not think therefore I do not am.

cheers
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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby Steve Maskery » 10 May 2022, 21:32

Andyp wrote:Steve, taking any dairy or meat products to France are distinct no no at the moment. A real shame, we used to stock up on decent bacon and bangers, alas no more.

Which way are you travelling Steve?. If Portsmouth - Caen we are not far away, we still have plenty of decent english tea. Alas dunkable biscuits ran out a few weeks back.


Flying to Limoges. After that, we are at the complete mercy of Froggy! :)
S
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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby 9fingers » 10 May 2022, 21:40

Steve Maskery wrote:
Flying to Limoges. After that, we are at the complete mercy of Froggy! :)
S

Steve please say hi to Tim and family. We stayed a night with them a good few years back whilst on our travels.

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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby Vann » 11 May 2022, 10:05

Andyp wrote:...Alas dunkable biscuits ran out a few weeks back.


Can you get those in Dunkirk? :eusa-whistle:

Cheers, Vann.
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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby AJB Temple » 11 May 2022, 16:24

Offspring just went back to NL via France. He was loaded up with butter, bacon, cheese, along with half my kitchen and tool kit. His experience is that the checks coming into the UK from France are often extensive (car searched) whereas going back they don't bother much apart from the explosives wand. However, he has both UK and Dutch passports (depending on who he is dealing with) and Dutch plates.
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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby Andyp » 11 May 2022, 17:23

Interesting Adrian, I might try and smuggle some decent bangers on next trip.

Surprised your son needs to take bacon. My experience of dutch bacon is that is very similar to the uk. NL food tastes are far more similar to the UK than here. Mind you the NL has decent tool shops too ;)
I’m always amazed at how little fresh milk is sold here. It is as if fridges do not exist. Shelf space for long life milk is about 20 times greater than fresh.
I do not think therefore I do not am.

cheers
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Re: A tad of mirth

Postby 9fingers » 11 May 2022, 17:30

Andyp wrote:Interesting Adrian, I might try and smuggle some decent bangers on next trip.

Surprised your son needs to take bacon. My experience of dutch bacon is that is very similar to the uk. NL food tastes are far mor similar to the UK than here. Mind you the NL hase decent tool shops too ;)
I’m always amazed at how little fresh milk is sold here. It is as if fridges do not exist. Shelf space for long life milk is about 20 times greater than fresh.


A friend of mine who lives in France refers to the UHT long life milk as Ultra Horrid Tasting milk.
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