• Hi all and welcome to TheWoodHaven2 brought into the 21st Century, kicking and screaming! We all have Alasdair to thank for the vast bulk of the heavy lifting to get us here, no more so than me because he's taken away a huge burden of responsibility from my shoulders and brought us to this new shiny home, with all your previous content (hopefully) still intact! Please peruse and feed back. There is still plenty to do, like changing the colour scheme, adding the banner graphic, tweaking the odd setting here and there so I have added a new thread in the 'Technical Issues, Bugs and Feature Requests' forum for you to add any issues you find, any missing settings or just anything you'd like to see added/removed from the feature set that Xenforo offers. We will get to everything over the coming weeks so please be patient, but add anything at all to the thread I mention above and we promise to get to them over the next few days/weeks/months. In the meantime, please enjoy!

Rant

That is so sad, Wallace. My thoughts are with you and your family.
 
wallace said:
So after 8 weeks of being in hospital ....
She said she would never go in a hospice so she's coming home for her last couple of weeks.
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I am so very sorry for you and your family to read this.

Like AndyP, I know from personal experience the District Nurse service and hospice providers make a huge difference.

Yes, home is the best place, but mind yourself and the Missus, Mark; "End of Life care" is an unpredictable period and can catch you unawares. Do what you feel is best on any one day, and if it isn't, you tried. We are not omnipotent or all-seeing and grieving should, in no way, include regret.
 
I'm sorry to hear that Wallace my best wishes to you and your family. Not an easy time for you all.
 
AJB Temple said:
Sad news and you have my sympathies. Hospices are actually very kind and peaceful places in my limited experience and the loved ones can focus on the person rather than the practicalities of caring, but if she wants to be home then that is fair enough.
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I agree, mam was in the local st theresas, fantastic level of care which like you say left you to concentrate on the 'nice' things. The only thing I didn't like was she was very medicated, went in with a morphine driver and was reasonably coherent, visited the day after and no sense and for the next 2 weeks until she passed. Almost as if there was a schedule to keep. I noticed new meds had been added. I have heard stories of funding running out and people having to leave.

Thank you for the words chaps
 
I am so sorry to hear this, we watched my Dads last couple of weeks in a hospice and it was the best place he could have wished to be and took a lot of stess off my Mum.

Dont forget to look after you as well as this can take a hefty toll on you and your family. Our thoughts are with you, Alasdair
 
We lost the old dear over the weekend. Im amazed at what the human body can endure with virtually no sustanance before it gives in. I'd set up a recliner next to her bed and a tv so we spent lots of time just holding her hand chilling out and chatting, we even started going through my whisky collection. I got her into a wheelchair a couple of times when there was a nice sunset, she really enjoyed that.
 
Condolences Wallace. It sounds like you managed to make the last few weeks as good as they could be in the circumstances which I am sure she will have appreciated.
 
Always tough no matter how well we think we are prepared. Your mother and you made the right choices sounds like she could not have wished for a better son.
 
Sincere condolences. I lost my mum to Ovarian Cancer in 1992 when she was 60; she didn't want to see me during her illness despite my best efforts. The last time I saw her was in an open coffin at the undertakers; not recommended under any circumstances - Rob
 
After MIL passed we had to call district nurse because they deal with things. After confirmation they rang the towns funeral director to collect her. The following day I looked into prices for 'disposal', I know this should of been already in place. Anyway the coop were cheaper by a decent sum so I booked them. They said fletchers, the towns director might charge for collecting. They did, £250 for the privalige. The coop said if they collect and the person later gets transferred to fletchers they dont charge. I remember my father in law wanted me to hire a van and take him to the crem, I looked into it but the director said I couldnt do that.
 
Just caught up with this thread; please accept my condolences to you personally, and to the wider family, Mark.

The period immediately after someone dies is truly strange. I'm not referring one's feelings - they are as you might expect, but magnified by the event. But, as Wallace hinted, the District Nurse has to perform some checking. Legally, they are obliged to make sure the death was "expected or straightforward"...😲. And, you are NOT allowed to be present. Ours were superbly diplomatic and sensitive about it, but it is a surreal experience - as is "taking your wife into our care Mr Q." from the undertakers.
 
When my mum died 12 years ago it was sudden although several family members were in the room when it happened. I got the 'phone call and went straight over followed very shortly by a female police officer who checked her over. It seemed a little strange as she had a long history of poor health but better to be sure there's nothing suspicious imo. I assume one of my brothers or sisters call then, never thought to ask.
 
Sorry to hear.
Yes I lost my mum and dad several years ago, it’s never good, mum had Alzheimer’s and personally she (and us) all suffered for too long. Eventually helped with a morphine pump, Liverpool pathway? Well if it was it was a blessing.
And now my sister has it. It’s a terrible terrible thing, I can guarantee I won’t be hanging around if I get it.
 
so sorry to hear that its never an easy thing to go through . lost my mum passed away at home we had health care and a doctor who suggested a dnr be put in place she passed away early hours had to dial 999 who wanted me to start cpr said about the dnr nobody turned up for 6 hours then i got treated like i was responsible questioned by the medic then as he left the police turned up had to go through it all over again not the best way to see a loved one off she had copd but had contracted covid before it was official she never got over it
 
That's very bad news Ian. I am of similar mindset about what I too would do and hope that our parliament has the courage this time in a free vote to allow voluntary euthanasia (with safeguards). My father had parkinsons and loss of mental acuity that often accompanies it. It affected him terribly but it also forced my mother to become a full time carer instead of enjoying her retirement. In the early stages he told me he had accumulated drugs to enable him to bring it to an end, but as time passed he was incapable of taking matters into his own hands.
 
totally agree we should be given a choice how we end our last days so many people suffer horribly until they pass
 
Wallace, my mum had a coop burial plan and they were excellent.
However don’t use coop probate services
DAMHIKT
 
Lurker said:
Wallace, my mum had a coop burial plan and they were excellent.
However don’t use coop probate services
DAMHIKT
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I just think its not really in the spirit of things is it, collect someone take them 1mile and charge £250. The coop were £1300 cheaper than the local guys. Everyone says they will use fletchers because they are a longstanding family business but behind the scenes they were bought out by big company and they are just the face.
I dont think I will need probate, she had very little money and a house which she left to her granddaughter.
I got a call from the coroner saying because the GP has put her broken hip was a factor in her death that there will be an inquest. But it will be a closed one. After I mentioned a few home truths concerning her care ie missed scan, slow gp's, being left for weeks with no plan, refusal to do surgery. A few head honchos are going to called to provide evidence.
 
wallace said:
I just think its not really in the spirit of things is it, collect someone take them 1mile and charge £250.
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Hear, hear!

On a slightly different note, the amount of fannying about and indecisiveness at NuuKassel (as pronounced) airport when I turned up with M-in-Law's ashes to be flown to Dublin - for interment the same day - was unbelievable. At one point, they were not going to let the urn on board...🙄. I had done my homework and had copies of the relevant certificates, but boy-oh-boy...not one single perishing "attendant" or "facilitator" wanted to.be the signatory getting the urn on board...Richard Wright would have been laughing his head off.
 
Think I remember reading somewhere recently that funeral prices are a scandalous rip off and many are now opting for a very basic version with no pomp. My intention for my demise is to have the cheapest and most low key possible. I don't want my family wasting money on services, flowers, churches, fancy coffin or any frippery.
 
I got called to the home my grandmother was in, I was told she was dying and I should get there asap. My mother was in NZ with my sister at the time and my uncle and my grandmother hadn't spoken for a couple of decades, so I had to deal with it. I got my daughter and went to see her. This is the scariest thing I've ever seen, for a moment my blood ran cold. She was barely alive, she smiled very slightly and closed her eyes. My daughter looked straight into my eyes and without blinking once said daddy, great grandma is very, very tired and she's going to go to sleep for a very, very long time. She sqeezed my hand gently and said I think we can go now. Not once did she blink. She was twenty one months old.
 
Lurker said:
The link between hospital overcrowding and the availability of care homes is clear.
Local authorities used to run these as not for profit facilities.
Have a look at the profits that the big care homes providers are making, they would make the water companies blush!
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The whole issue of care homes should be a wake up call in respect of “money men “ entering a sector. 20 years ago care homes were largely individual family small homes, standards in some were undeniably poor, so goverment steps in and slowy legislates these small homes out of existence, we the. Entered a period of there being a huge shortage of capacity, so the venture capitalists step up and now there are purpose built large homes popping up all over, in my area they start at £1700 a week and want to see that you have liquid funds available for 2-3 years of care.
Veterinarian services are going the same way, the small practices bought up and morphed into large companies, the fees then rocket.
The same is starting in respect of the private rented sector, the upcoming renters rights bill will put a further nail in the current PRS, before long the corporate Built to Rent Brigade will roll in en masse to save the day, bringing with the. hugely inflated rents or pernicious part rent part buy schemes. Local to me a (admittedly nice new) 2 bed house is £1420 a month from the “profit for purpose” arm of a registered provider, local incomes cannot match that.
The trend seems to be that these types of large scale entrants to the markets are going to rip the savings and earnings from the middle classes over the next couple of generations, forever changing the social structure of the UK.

As for the NHS it has 2 main problems

1) it’s funded for the official population estimates and as such is mot funded for the 7 million or so people that are actually using it over and above that estimate. You’ve only to look at the estimate for european citizens expected to apply for the right to remain agains the numbers that actually did to see that population figures are fanciful in the extreme. Same can be said for all public services and infrastructure spending.

2) The nations attitude to excess weight and fitness, i was talking to the overall manager of orthopaedics at my local hospital, the average age for hip and knee replacements is falling fast, the common factor being excess weight / obesity amongst patients , not only do they need doing earlier but the patients need longer stays in hospital, more physio and the operations are more complex , anaesthesia being a particular concern in terms of the extra drugs required and impaired heart / lung function of a substantial number of larger patients.

The area has some of the most deprived wards in the country , and has a complicating factor of larger numbers of migrants who speak no or very poor english but expect the nhs to deal with this rather than bring someone from their own community to translate, right or wrong the nhs doesn’t spend anymore than it needs ( ie the minimum )to on such services.

All issues that i’d guess were never really expected in a relatively wealthy nation and rather begs the question as to how much personal responsibility a population should be expected to carry.
 
Wealth is a bit of a myth though. What this country has is highly concentrated wealth in a relatively small number of areas.
 
And to cap it all the Govt are talking about diverting funds from Project Gigabit which was set up to support better broadband in rural areas to…..wait for it……London. You couldn’t make it up.
 
AJB Temple said:
Think I remember reading somewhere recently that funeral prices are a scandalous rip off and many are now opting for a very basic version with no pomp. My intention for my demise is to have the cheapest and most low key possible. I don't want my family wasting money on services, flowers, churches, fancy coffin or any frippery.
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I looked into the expenses and the crematorium charge around £450, so if someone could take a loved one then that is all it would cost. The coop are £1300 for a direct cremation with no ceremony. My local place wanted £2300 for the same thing. My mum wanted burying so we respected her wishes and for a no frills funeral with a few words spoken over the graveside and no church service, no limos just the hearse. That was £4k, you dont really look at the itemised bill until later. They charged £700 to collect mum from the hospice and the clergy bill was £200 for maybe 5mins.
When my uncle passed a few years ago mum felt obliged to have a nice coffin and all of the pomp of the man walking in front of the hearse, nice headstone. 'Luckily', the director offered finance. It took her years to pay it off. I'd hate to think how much was wasted.
 
A while back US corporations were buying up independent UK funeral businesses big style. I was valuing a chain of them at the time. ‘Easy money’ is I think how they saw it. Big margins, little competition.

I have never arranged a funeral myself. My partner has: seemed expensive to me. A lot of cod Victorian flummery.

I have my partner’s permission (in the will) for a cardboard box, and/or crem. Atheist; doesn't give a stuff. Personally, I want a flaming longboat launched into the Firth. Or a tiny little memorial. Something like the Taj, but not so modest.

And I know people will say you shouldn’t make jokes about this, but what else can you do? It doesn't affect your sympathy for those whose relatives have died.

Mind you, given my grandfather was nearly 100 when he died, as was my partner’s father (children very late in life), if heredity is anything to go by, at the heat death of the universe, there’ll be me, my partner and some cockroaches. I hope we’ll get on.
 
AJB Temple said:
Wealth is a bit of a myth though. What this country has is highly concentrated wealth in a relatively small number of areas.
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I was’nt referring to individual wealth, rather our standing as a nation, a government has the ability to tax and spend appropriately, but faced with too many in a population that have little regard for their health it faces a steep uphill struggle. The nations rather lax attitude to drugs,unhealty food, addiction to social media will just make things worse, the current urge to identify huge swathes of the population as having mental health issues will be the next crushing blow to the nhs. Obviously there are those that need help, but it seems that it’s being forgotten that a degree of anxiety, trepidation, caution, fear, shyness, etc etc are perfectly normal and part of developing as a person.
 
Lurker said:
For example, stonking rich in Tunbridge Wells vs poor pensioner in Loughborough 😱😀
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I thought people from Tunbridge Wells (or should that be Royal Tunbridge Wells) were proverbially disgusted, rather than stonking rich. I wouldn’t know, I’ve spent a lot of time out of the UK, maybe my cultural references are a bit off.

Obviously only a comment from a retiree from Edinburgh and the Borders. Poor as a kirk mouse. Whose partner has run off with all the cheese.
 
was commenting on the rich south vs north of Watford gap (this nowhere near Watford incidentally) .
We up here would really like a fair share of the pie regarding infrastructure.
 
Yebut ---you've got all the beautiful scenery and roads that are not clogged with traffic. :cool:

Realistically I am not really sure how the wealth of a country is calculated. Last reported government deficit was £2,721 billion which is over 101% of gross domestic product. This does not look great to me. MSM are reporting credible evidence that post election (but planned prior) we have the biggest exodus of millionaires of any country and business wealth is being busily relocated. (When they say millionaire they really mean much more). Wealth is often just media soundbites. It tends to be measured as a country in terms of trade flows of imports and exports. But as any business knows, turnover is vanity and profit is sanity. We seem to have lost sight of that and also that we need positive cash flow not just "investing" on the never never. HS2 was hopeless. Current policies on housebuilding are in fantasyland.

Re infrastructure, who is going to invest in that? What is the business case? I don't know much about infrastructure north of Oxford, but I do agree that even within England we seem to be two separate countries and two separate economies. I moved south when I was young for good reason.

Wales is apparently a basket case economically, especially now Brexit has killed EU subsidies for Wales. Regarding Scotland, the anti fossil fuel lobby have ensured the death of Aberdeen. Financial Services makes money but is concentrated in Edinburgh but largely with control from London and wealth seems very regionally concentrated in Scotland too.

Maybe I'm just having a negative day. :ROFLMAO:
 
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