• Hi all and welcome to TheWoodHaven2 brought into the 21st Century, kicking and screaming! We all have Alasdair to thank for the vast bulk of the heavy lifting to get us here, no more so than me because he's taken away a huge burden of responsibility from my shoulders and brought us to this new shiny home, with all your previous content (hopefully) still intact! Please peruse and feed back. There is still plenty to do, like changing the colour scheme, adding the banner graphic, tweaking the odd setting here and there so I have added a new thread in the 'Technical Issues, Bugs and Feature Requests' forum for you to add any issues you find, any missing settings or just anything you'd like to see added/removed from the feature set that Xenforo offers. We will get to everything over the coming weeks so please be patient, but add anything at all to the thread I mention above and we promise to get to them over the next few days/weeks/months. In the meantime, please enjoy!

A tad of mirth

A cabbie picks up a nun, she notices that the very handsome cab driver doesn't stop looking at her.

She asks him, “why are you staring at me?”

He replies, “ I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you”.

She answers, “My son, you cannot offend me. When you are as old as I am and have been a nun for as long as I have , you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure there is nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive

“Well”, says the cabbie, “I've always had a fantasy to have a kiss from a nun”.

She responds, “Well, let's see what we can do about that. But you have to be single and you have to be Catholic”.

The driver is very excited and says, “Yeah, I'm single and I'm Catholic!”

“Okay", says the nun, “pull into the next lay-by”.

The nun fulfils his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road the cab drive starts crying.

“My dear child”, says the nun, “Why are you crying?”

The cabbie says,“Forgive me, I've sinned, I lied and I must confess. I'm married and I'm Jewish”.

The nun says,”That's OK, my name's Steve and I'm going to a Halloween party...”
 
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On this day 1605 Guy Fawkes began his journey to London. It would take him several days because his legs were made of old tights stuffed with newspapers.

Pete
 
One for sorrow, two for joy, three for a girl, four for a boy,

Five for silver, six for gold, seven for a secret never to be told,

Eight for a wish, nine for a kiss, ten for a chance you must not miss,

Eleven for a wasp, twelve for a bee, thirteen for coffee, fourteen for tea,

Fifteen for a pencil, sixteen for a pen, seventeen to hear these options again,

Eighteen for pepper, nineteen for salt, twenty for an accident in which you're not at fault,

Twenty-one for Jerry, Twenty-two for Tom, Twenty-three where are all these magpies coming from?

Twenty-five no seriously, thirty this is weird, forty-eight why have all these magpies suddenly appeared?

Sixty-two please stop, seventy-one save yourselves and run, ninety-nine the magpie invasion has begun,

Two hundred no more sorrow, five hundred no more fears, one thousand is how long the Magpie Empire lasts in years.
 
Saw this on a listing on Temu.

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